Lateral wishes..

Time changes and so does situations. And with it changes the sense of right and wrong…  good and bad…  A few days back I was talking to a friend of mine, and we realized how drastically things have changed for most of us. This is my attempt to understand when it actually changed.. a particular time, a particular incident, or was it a slow transition as inevitable as the ageing of hair and lowering of libido.

Not so long ago, writing a good exam meant completely different from what it is now. In school leaving out a part of the syllabus was unthinkable, and not attempting 5 marks in a paper was an unpardonable sin.  In +2, things changed, there came a thing called JEE. I personally used it as one of the biggest excuse for neglecting the boards (which was lame, I admit, but at that time, I had other priorities-the fairer sex, n yes I suffered big time). Now that I’m in college the scenario has changed. The people who crib for that 1 particular question they couldn’t answer (and would hence lose 5 marks) are the minority, while I find myself surrounded by the people with contented faces saying all that they studied the night before came luckily.  Completing the syllabi is not an option any more- not when u start studying a day or two before the exam. Class tests go well only if you are lucky (you sit beside the right guy, n the proff understands your plight and leaves you alone) and in viva it is the competition of how well u can smile and say some crap and just hope.

Teachers have also changed. Gone are the days when a teacher would personally take interest in the life of all the students. (I personally remember most ma’ams knew me on personal level.. I was a kiddo, but they knew about my mood swings and dealt with it, n they even came to my house on a few occasions.  A ma’am even went so far ahead as to ask about my personal problems in 12^th and trust me, it helped.) At college the best u can expect is that the proff will know your name and face. Will talk to you sweetly (very rarely so, and very few proffs actually talk) if they meet you outside college campus.

N finally the people who around me. There was no animosity around then. All of them need not be the best of buddies, but we didn’t hate each other either. Exceptions were there, but that was merely aberrations from the norm more than anything else. Things were a lot simpler as well. We fought when we wanted to, settled our scores, but the issues got dealt with - once and for all. How I miss those days.  In college, second year onwards, it has been a tough on this aspect. I will not be elaborating more on this, but I sincerely wish people were simpler, spoke their mind without sugar coating their words.

And now about the fairer sex.  I rememeber liking a girl when I was in standard three…  how old was I then?Nine or Ten perhaps.. I don’t know what to call it.. but it was kinda sweet. As I grew older, things got complicated like all other things around me. It became more difficult to ‘understand’ them. Soon there were things which we didn’t understand. N then we were enlightened (courtesy a Moral Science Book in standard 7th : those who studied in ICSE boards can probably relate to what I say). N then few people like me lost their senses and screwed up their life while the more intelligent ones continued in their sensible ways.. At college, with the abysmal male: female ratio, and short of options ( A gtalk status message read : Looks are inversely proportional to brains ) people have been ‘forced’ to play the ‘settler’ than the ‘reacher ’ ( Courtesy ‘How I Met Your Mom’ Series), and I guess that says a lot  about the whole issue. It’s all about Love, Sex, Money and Dhoka though.. I’m not sure how many of the mushy couples who go around all starry eyed will finally end up together later. I’m not even sure whether they want to actually. Probably they believe in being ‘practical’ and have a nice time in college and outside. Probably it is more about what ‘others’ think..and  if nothing else, it is just about the hormones. Strange how I finally have realized that I can never get back the ‘sweet’ liking as a 9 year old.. it’s lost.. it’s way more complicated now.

Just wish things were different.. I  wish I could love the things that are taught in class once more.. I wish the results mattered more to me .. The people were less complicated, so that I could trust them just like that…  there were no double meaning to words, Proffs were more like extended family, and cared the way a close relative would.. Wish I could like a girl and not care whether she liked me or not.. could be at peace with myself for whatever was happening around.. I know these are never meant to be again, but why should that stop me from hoping..

(I forget the last time I felt brave

I just recall insecurity

Cause it came down like a tidal wave

And sorrow swept over me

-Owl City)