A letter to my conscience?

I had promised myself I won’t be writing till I complete all my exams, but the thing I have in my head has to be vented out somewhere, and I guess this is the place. I’m by and large a very self centered person. Matters which have very direct connotations with my own life dictate how I behave, talk and laugh. My blog is testimony to the fact that I write mostly about my life, my muses rarely caring to portray the other side of the story. Today however, this is someone else’s story which holds no long lasting significance in my life. Here it goes.

Dear X,

I wish I could say all this to you myself in person; but my hands are tied and my lips are sealed by that weird thing I know not how to describe or define.  If you were more than just an acquaintance I still might have taken a chance, but sadly you aren’t.

Remember what Steve Waugh said to Gibb’s when he dropped his catch in the semifinal of 1999 Worldcup? He said, ‘You dropped the cup, mate!’  Same goes for you too. You will never know what you missed, ignored and in turn lost. 

I had a beautiful dream – a dream where I could see you two hands in hands in the final semester; had planned so many ways to tease you people; to make a fool of you- all that matters no more. I’m filled with just a sense of anger, pity and may be remorse for what could have been.  If you only you had seen the way I do.

What irks me even more is your nonchalance.  Being a guy, I’m unable to fathom the reasons behind your actions. Your actions, though always erratic, at least had the semblance of dignity till you chose to downplay the whole thing by calling ‘it’ was all ’Aise hi’! All that marathon texting spree was just ‘Aise hi’? Or were the long distance calls made ‘Aise hi’? And, if at all, it was actually ‘Aise hi’, why then? The vacations are indeed long and boring. More so, if you are at home with no places to go and nothing to do. But couldn’t you find someone closer to home? I seriously detest you for whatever you did mate. What do you call the ultra-secretive meets? Were they also just ‘Aise-hi’?  You couldn’t confide in your best of friends, made great efforts to hold clandestine meet-ups, all for this? I think she deserved better, much better.

I have done some darned things in my life too - made some dreadful decisions, misjudged people dreadfully, befriended people who were never meant to last -so I’m in no position to judge your actions, but I hope you realize what you lost someday. Hopefully when true realization dawns, remorse will sweep through you. But then it will be too late. And I’m sure it will serve you right. On the other hand, I’m happy it was over even before it started. Probably whatever happens is for some greater good.

P.S: The two persons I’m referring to aren’t my friends; they happen to be a friend of a good friend. I had this weird contempt for the guy because I knew what going on the whole time and felt whatever he did was a sordid thing to do. I don’t know whether Mr. Jackass will read this – or even if he does –whether he will realize that I’m referring to him. I sincerely hope he does.

P.P.S: Well, the post was written some long time back.. I’m so happy I was proved wrong in so many ways which I didn't even think of.

A letter to God.

Dear God,

I thought it was about time I mailed you.You have been acting very strange off late and none of my wishes are being fulfilled. But first things first, my sincere apologies for all the wrongs I have done and I hope you will understand that to err is after all human. I know just saying Sorry doesn't mean much, but I am sorry. 

I will get straight to the point. How come you never grant me my wishes fully? Seems I get only half of what I want everytime. I really think it is very inconsiderate of you. Or are my wishes too extravagant? I never thought so. If they are, please let me know. It’s about time I knew what I should wish for, right? There is no point in making futile wishes which you will just laugh off and never grant. So do let me know.

Time and again I come across these characters who gets to meet you, in dreams, or otherwise. Have you seen  ‘Bruce Allmighty’? In that Bruce got to meet you. I thought Mr.Freeman did an exceptional job acting as if he was you. Why can’t something similar happen to me as well? I promise I will handle your powers well with elan unlike Bruce.

Even Mr. Chetan Bhagat got to meet you (or so he said) in the train. It seems that the meeting served him well. Your advices sorted a lot of things out. I don’t think it will hurt you to give me a personal hearing as well. I know you get such requests a lot. Probably everyone in the world wishes to meet you, but don’t you think that’s natural? After all with great powers come great responsibilities. Duh! Seems I’m sermonizing even to you.  Just got carried away.

Also, I would like to ask you that how come you don’t keep whole of the mankind happy? For that matter you are supposed to take care of not just the mankind but all the living beings right? Don’t you see the poor? The puppies shivering in this cold? We have two beautiful puppies in our hostel. Without your help, they will probably die soon, do take care of them.  I know you must be damn busy. I do remember how Bruce got freaked out when he had to step in your shoes in the movie. But that’s your job? We all are supposed to do our jobs well. I know there is no one to fire you, but that hardly matters. You are The One. 

Actually I got tired of waiting for the answers. Have you heard that beautiful song ‘Blowing in the wind’ by Bob Dylan? He keeps on saying that all the answers are blowing in the wind. May be they are. But I can’t seem to find them. Help me please. Better still, just tell me. Not in a weird or cryptic way. I’m too dumb to figure out cryptic things. Just say it aloud in my face so that I understand. I assume you already know what my grievances are (you are The God, remember?)

On that note, I really think you do a wonderful job taking care of us (just that we want some more of your attention). I would like to thank you for all that you have given me. You have been really kind but I do hope you bestow your blessings even more leniently in future. Thank you for the wonderful family I have. You have blessed me with excellent friends. Also for all the other things that I take for granted, thank you.

I din’t know how to reach you. Prayed a lot of times (for my own selfish reasons, and others’ too) but it seemed you din’t pay enough attention. Probably you din’t have time (it is one thing that we are all short of these days – Wish you created days of 50 hours instead of just 24). This time I’m mailing you. Don’t know your email id, so will put this on my blog.I hope you come across it sooner rather than later and act on them.  Meanwhile, do have a nice time. Enjoy a lot. Take care of the World.

Cheers.

Rudra

P.S:

•  Please remember about the puppies.
•   The poor people who die in want of some warmth.