Driving down the highway
Carefree, careless
I see the trees at either side
Fly away with grace.
Overtaking another car,
I scream with joy
Destination not too far
No reason to act coy.
Just then out of nowhere
A cruiser hits head-on,
Up comes the flare
And I am gone.
Destination still a little far
Still on the highway,
I lie with just a scar
Happy, contented and gay.
P.S : I tried not to be prosaic this time, though I still preffer blank verse.
I don't see how it's a blank verse. You have used an alternate rhyme scheme...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the rhythm breaks in the last line. If you could use "content" instead of "contented", I think the break wouldn't be there.
Try keeping the number of syllables same in each line, or each alternate line, depending on the form you choose. That's the trick in blank verses.
Hope you don't find my comments bossy. Your poems help me to develop mine, so I'm more gratful than critical.
@ Twisha: I meant that I am not using blank verse this time, and I tried develop some rhyme since you found it prosaic last time. No, I dont find your comments bossy. I have seen your writings and poems. You have amazing writing skills. Keep it going. :)
ReplyDeletenice poem buddy...
ReplyDeleteIts quite interesting as far as the rhymes are concerned..really good for somebody who has just started thinking bout rhymes...
ReplyDelete