Midnight Rambles..

The Journey

2012-02-01T22:19:00.005-06:00

‘Dad, you promised that you would tell me a story last time.’
‘Haah.. you do remember things, don’t you? Okay. I will tell you a really funny..’
‘Nooo!’ ‘NOT a funny story again.. I remember the last funny story you told me – it was NOT at all fun. Tell me a ghost story!’
‘But Neha - ghost stories are boring.. and they are all imaginary.. no fun at all.’
‘I still would prefer a ghost story..’
‘Okay. Come lie down in the berth. I will tell you a story. This is not exactly a ghost story. It is a real story.’
‘A real story? You saw a ghost?’
‘Come on Ni! You know there is no such thing as ghosts! Something weird happened to us when we were in college. We were a group of five friends... and he started telling the cock and bull story he had concocted at the spur of the moment for his ten year old daughter.

They were going to Delhi for a seminar from Mughalsarai in Kalka Mail. Like most other people they had an early dinner and by the time the train reached Allahabad, an hour late than scheduled, they were getting ready for sleep. That was when Neha had reminded him of his promise.

Neha was chosen from DAV Public School to represent her zone. Neha’s dad who was a teacher in the same school thought it was a good idea to spend the weekend with her daughter. He had doubled up as her dad as well as mom after Neha’s mom early demise shortly after Neha’s birth in a car accident. He never bothered remarrying.

‘.. and then when Dhruv finally got enough courage to open the door, you know what he saw?’
‘Aaah.. I think she dozed off. You are quite a storyteller’ spoke a female voice from behind.
It had been barely ten minutes Nitin had started and Neha was already fast asleep.
‘Ya, we both had a long day. I think I should sleep too’.
‘So you are not just a soporific storyteller but a Sleepy Joe as well eh?’

She was beautiful. Dressed in kurti and jeans, she sported a smile that Nitin had to make a consciously effort not to get lost in.

‘I’m a History teacher – this is a professional hazard’. He tried to be funny.
‘Well! That explains it.’

He smiled. There was something very attractive about the lady. He tried to figure out what it was.

(To be continued...)

Photo courtesy: "Another journey by train" by Steve Leggat

Roger That!

2012-01-25T22:34:00.005-06:00

Roger Federer. He was the man I wrote about for the first time when I started writing for my blog : TheSwiss Houdini. More than 3 years down the line, after winning few more Grand Slams, and being written off by most as he moved in his 30s (while being the #3 in the ATP Men’s rankings) he still remains he was back in 2009 – The Gentleman.

This gentleman still remains the one for whom I will be stay awake at the wee hours of the morning just so that I can watch him play. For some odd reason – I don’t care if he wins it or lose. I can’t deny that I will be ecstatic if he beats a certain Nadal, but that is just about it. Watching Fed play is peace and enriching enough.

What is it about great sportsperson that makes them great? The skill? Or the passion? Or maybe the will power? Sourav Ganguly, the Bengal southpaw and my idol has proved it time and again that it is ALL in the mind. If you believe you can do it, you definitely can. But you must believe it yourself. Does Federer back himself to the core when he plays against Rafa? I hope he does.

As I write this post close to a year after my previous one - I chose the easy way out – Roger. There is no great pleasure to see your favourite champion win. But it is all the more thrilling when a player fights his age and competes at the highest level of professional sports with 7-8 years younger than him. Combine the humility, grace and charishma – you know why everyone loves Fed. If he loses? We still love and adore him.

A loving husband and a doting father - being Roger Federer is much more than just playing tennis – it is about winning hearts with that flashing smile. I doubt whether his contemporaries can beat him at that!

Roger that!

P.S:
1. For all the Fed fans watch the 'Roger Federer : Spirit of a Champion' series in Youtube. Here is a link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApECbBeJXcs

2. For all the Nadal/Joker and whomsoever fans watch the same link. You might switch allegiance. :P :)

Birthdays - as I see it!

2011-02-06T13:47:00.003-06:00

It has been a varied experience – celebrating birthdays that is. As long as I was a child – it was mostly limited to the ‘payesh’ at home (which I would refuse to have - since it was such a gruesome milk product) and having fun at school. Turning up in colour dresses automatically meant that I was proclaiming to all and sundry that it was the day I popped out. There was the distribution of the chocolates, the birthday song performed by the class in unison, and blessings from all the teachers. It was nice.

After a certain chain of events, it so happened that I no longer celebrated birthdays- it reminded me of something I did not want to, and I preferred having a quiet day at home. Only a very few close friends who still continued to remember were the only ones who knew of the day – and they too kept it simple. The practice of colour dresses to school was done away with and birthdays were just like any other day.

With time, as with most other things, this reluctance of not making ‘it’ special also melted away. Every birthday during this phase reminded of the fact that I’m not the little boy anymore. Along came the concept of ‘GPLs’! (For the uninitiated, the acronym GPL stands for ‘G***d pe lath’ where your friends kick your ass and celebrate any joyous occasion) and ‘rapidfire’ (similar to GPLs but using hands/sandals). This was also roughly the time when Mark Zuckerberg made us socially connect with people whom we might not remember otherwise! And birthdays were no longer the same!

‘Wall’s were filled with wishes from people with whom the last interaction was also a ‘Happy Birthday’ that you wrote on their walls. Also the advent of Facebook meant that most people relied on it to remember. This necessarily meant that with the FB reminder done away with, you could still have a quiet day with those you love not to mention an easier time at the lavatory without any GPls the last night! It also meant that some of your friends and relatives will invariably bless (and wish) you later (that is only when a status/image update strikes home: P ) and rebuke you on how you could do such a horrifying act of removing the alert! However that horrifying act also ensured that you will be blessed by friends who somehow managed to remember the day and wanted to make it special in their own way. Trust me, it feels delightful.

I am not sure, but I think birthdays will never be the same as it was being a kid. It should only become more different as time progresses. A time will come when you will perhaps have to arrange your own birthday celebrations with your co-workers – much different from how it used to be in school- but with its own charm!

Probably at a certain point of your life you will forget that day (or at least treat like any other day) in anticipation of your little kiddo’s birthday. There will be a time when ecstacy or despair will be dependent on whether your son or daughter remembered your birthday. If you are truly blessed, you might even have the good fortune to celebrate the day with your grandchildren! We will all have to wait and watch how it turns out in the future. But whatever may be the age, situation and time – birthdays will always be .. err.. Birthdays!!

A letter to my conscience?

2011-01-28T05:28:00.000-06:00

I had promised myself I won’t be writing till I complete all my exams, but the thing I have in my head has to be vented out somewhere, and I guess this is the place. I’m by and large a very self centered person. Matters which have very direct connotations with my own life dictate how I behave, talk and laugh. My blog is testimony to the fact that I write mostly about my life, my muses rarely caring to portray the other side of the story. Today however, this is someone else’s story which holds no long lasting significance in my life. Here it goes.

Dear X,

I wish I could say all this to you myself in person; but my hands are tied and my lips are sealed by that weird thing I know not how to describe or define. If you were more than just an acquaintance I still might have taken a chance, but sadly you aren’t.

Remember what Steve Waugh said to Gibb’s when he dropped his catch in the semifinal of 1999 Worldcup? He said, ‘You dropped the cup, mate!’ Same goes for you too. You will never know what you missed, ignored and in turn lost.

I had a beautiful dream – a dream where I could see you two hands in hands in the final semester; had planned so many ways to tease you people; to make a fool of you- all that matters no more. I’m filled with just a sense of anger, pity and may be remorse for what could have been. If you only you had seen the way I do.

What irks me even more is your nonchalance. Being a guy, I’m unable to fathom the reasons behind your actions. Your actions, though always erratic, at least had the semblance of dignity till you chose to downplay the whole thing by calling ‘it’ was all ’Aise hi’! All that marathon texting spree was just ‘Aise hi’? Or were the long distance calls made ‘Aise hi’? And, if at all, it was actually ‘Aise hi’, why then? The vacations are indeed long and boring. More so, if you are at home with no places to go and nothing to do. But couldn’t you find someone closer to home? I seriously detest you for whatever you did mate. What do you call the ultra-secretive meets? Were they also just ‘Aise-hi’? You couldn’t confide in your best of friends, made great efforts to hold clandestine meet-ups, all for this? I think she deserved better, much better.

I have done some darned things in my life too - made some dreadful decisions, misjudged people dreadfully, befriended people who were never meant to last -so I’m in no position to judge your actions, but I hope you realize what you lost someday. Hopefully when true realization dawns, remorse will sweep through you. But then it will be too late. And I’m sure it will serve you right. On the other hand, I’m happy it was over even before it started. Probably whatever happens is for some greater good.

P.S: The two persons I’m referring to aren’t my friends; they happen to be a friend of a good friend. I had this weird contempt for the guy because I knew what going on the whole time and felt whatever he did was a sordid thing to do. I don’t know whether Mr. Jackass will read this – or even if he does –whether he will realize that I’m referring to him. I sincerely hope he does.

P.P.S: Well, the post was written some long time back.. I’m so happy I was proved wrong in so many ways which I didn't even think of.

A not-so imaginary chat! :P

2010-05-23T15:10:00.004-05:00

Though this will make sense to a selected few of my friends, I encourage people to read this with an open mind knowing fully well that at the end of it they will not be able to make head or tail out of it and hence this will be one hell of a long boring read.

This is a work of fiction based loosely (:P) on a chat that took place over gtalk. :P
Any similarities to any character is purely intentional.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

X: i have had enough Bhai.. No more!
Y: aha! Y so?
X: umm..
Y: say..
    say..
say..
X: arre???!!! you are mad or what?!
Y: then say..
X: ok.. Its just that ki I have decided that I'm not bothering you anymore..
    Enough ! You overreact too much!
Y: Oho.. You are being so kind?! are you all right?

(Song changes to Valerie by The Zutons in X's computer...)

X: I'm being kind to myself! Trying to live in peace henceforth!
Y: why?
X: what why?
Y: I mean elaborate..
X: u don't have any work..
      i mean you have, and yet you don't..
    that's why your brain keeps performing these
      weird permutations and combinations
      even to make 2+2= 4, you think in the weirdest
      n most complicated way possible..
      that's y I want you to give some rest to
      your overworked brain.. atleast before CAT.

(Y is confused.. looks at the monitor.. scratches his head thinking ways to piss off X)

Y: Who told u I'm jobless?

(X smirks.. Aah.. Thank God he took the hint.. smirks..:P )

X: noone..
     who will say about you?? :O

(an evil grin spreading across his face.. Ye! Ye! he took the bait, awesome.. :P)

Y: say! who gave you this info?
     say!
     say!

(song changes to Driftwood by Travis)

X: Ha ha.. (on the defensive.. can't afford to giveaway anything) no one re.. seriously!

Y: say!
    say!
    ......
    [and probably many more 'say!' which the author has to skip to make this insane post a little saner!]

X: ok ok..
     no one actually..
     said that coz you are online all the time...
Y: no.. say who said!
X: he he.. ok, if u insist on a name.. it is Facebook.. n Gtalk.. ROFL :P

(X wishes his floor was clean and he could roll on the floor lauging.. and stops the music player.)

Y: (now serioudly irritated..) uff.. say na..
     say..
     say..
     .....
X: i told ya..
Y: u r lying again.. say the truth! They can't talk toh..
X: uff.. u assume a lot!
     they talk in there own sweet language..
     (after a pause of few minutes..)
     I wont say what you want to hear..
     (slams his head.. why! why did I have to say that.. now one more session of denial..)

Y: n what do I want to hear???????
X: nothing nothing..
    please, leave me?
Y: No! (probably smiles..!) say!!
(throws the wrapper of the biscuit packet behind the bed... [old habits are hard to die you see] )

X: I won't play this game.. i quit!
Y: you tell me.. and I will leave you
say..
    say..
    say..

(X is meanwhile chatting over the phone.. )

Y: ???
     ???????
say..
      say...
      der?
X: (still on the phone..) hmm?
Y: say..
X: what?!
Y: (exasperated) please please..say..
X: ok.. since you asked me so many times..
     but I dint have dinner.. so you wont bug me after this..
     I will tell you..
     Its the bully wid 100 zeroes that keeps talking..
Y: what??!!!!
X: Google Talk!
     googol = 1(100 zeroes) [That was lame.. I agree]
Y: okay.. I will have dinner and come..
X: no.. no.. please don't come back..
    I'm hungry and right now have nothing..
     have pity.. ( looks at the heaven.. please please..!)
Y: ok
     you will tell me tomorrow, nah?
X: yeeeee.. hunger saves my day..
      errr night..
Y: you will tell me nah?
X: now go and have dinner..
    goodnight..
     take care..
     sexy trigonometric dreams..
     bye..
Y:????????????????
     trigo dreams?
     meaning??
X: uuuuuffffffffffffffff!!!
(X bangs his head on the table. only God can save me now, he thinks..)
   nevermind..
     go n have food..
Y: what is trigo dream?!
     why not geometry dreams..
X: umm.. geometry is a bit more complicated re..
     u see.. in trigo, u can take any damn angle..
     while in geometry u will need to consider a right angled trinangle...
Y: ??!! (scratching his head again thinking where the hell is this conversation going..)
X: .. and then u need bases, perpendiculars..
     trigo is much simpler..
   put any variable.. n u can dream happily :P
Y: i don't understand a word..
X: u r not supposed too..
Y: Only a bozzo can say all this shit..
     I'm going for dinner..
X: yes!!!! go.. please please.. :)
    take care then..
    n sexy trigo dreams.
    till then..
cya..
(Y: typing furiously in the keyboard..)
(X signs off.. n sighs a breath of relief.. I gotta write about this tonight.. :P)

p.s: yes, X is me. Y is not as stupid as I made him out to be. He is a really nice guy. :) Cheerio.

Pigeon Power.. :P

2010-04-12T16:27:00.007-05:00

..Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone..

I m feeling funny.. No I am not high. I’m flabbergasted by a couple of things that happened. First, I learned that I have chatted over 500 times with a particular person in college in gtalk, and I happen to be most chatted person in college in his list.. :P ( I blabber a lot more anyday though.. ). Yes, I like that a person a lot. Over the last few months I have been chatting ‘off the record’.. so I’m quite sure the number would have been a lot more otherwise.. n before I get any further, I should mention that it is a guy I’m talking about.Here, though it feels weird to put this, I would like to say that contrary to popular beliefs, I love being with guys than girls. In the three of years of college, I have known very few girls outside my department and made friends with even fewer. Yet, my schoolmates keep calling me **beep** much to my dislike. Things were different before college, but not now.

..I am floating away
Lost in a silent ballet..

Also, I re-discovered the power of technology. Mobile phone camera, bluetooth has already created havoc in the lives of many a college students: today I learned the power of Skype. I was mildly flabbergasted after learning the things I learned, but trust me it was worth it. Had a lot of fun, actually laughed out loud ( LOL) n but for the extra-dirty floors, I would have rolled on the floor too.. :P It was actually funny knowing certain things.. How weirdly people think about me and the misconceptions they have because of something I said or did as a joke to piss them off. Talking about technology, I should mention ‘pidgin’here. Pidgin is basically a chat program with which you can chat on different networks all at once. But the why I’m mentioning pidgin here is completely different.. Pidgin defies the laws of invisibility of Gtalk. So, a lotta times, I have a lotta fun knowing that someone is actually not replying and not sleeping as he would like me to believe. No ‘Gidle’ or Invi, can actually be full proof you see... The only real way to get the message through: say it. :D. Pidgin rocks n so does Skype. Gotta viva, N I haven't yet started.. not surprised are you?

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight

I'll spread my wings and fly.

P.S: All italicized excerpts are lyrics from songs by Owl City.

Lateral wishes..

2010-04-12T03:15:00.002-05:00

Time changes and so does situations. And with it changes the sense of right and wrong… good and bad… A few days back I was talking to a friend of mine, and we realized how drastically things have changed for most of us. This is my attempt to understand when it actually changed.. a particular time, a particular incident, or was it a slow transition as inevitable as the ageing of hair and lowering of libido.

Not so long ago, writing a good exam meant completely different from what it is now. In school leaving out a part of the syllabus was unthinkable, and not attempting 5 marks in a paper was an unpardonable sin. In +2, things changed, there came a thing called JEE. I personally used it as one of the biggest excuse for neglecting the boards (which was lame, I admit, but at that time, I had other priorities-the fairer sex, n yes I suffered big time). Now that I’m in college the scenario has changed. The people who crib for that 1 particular question they couldn’t answer (and would hence lose 5 marks) are the minority, while I find myself surrounded by the people with contented faces saying all that they studied the night before came luckily. Completing the syllabi is not an option any more- not when u start studying a day or two before the exam. Class tests go well only if you are lucky (you sit beside the right guy, n the proff understands your plight and leaves you alone) and in viva it is the competition of how well u can smile and say some crap and just hope.

Teachers have also changed. Gone are the days when a teacher would personally take interest in the life of all the students. (I personally remember most ma’ams knew me on personal level.. I was a kiddo, but they knew about my mood swings and dealt with it, n they even came to my house on a few occasions. A ma’am even went so far ahead as to ask about my personal problems in 12^th and trust me, it helped.) At college the best u can expect is that the proff will know your name and face. Will talk to you sweetly (very rarely so, and very few proffs actually talk) if they meet you outside college campus.

N finally the people who around me. There was no animosity around then. All of them need not be the best of buddies, but we didn’t hate each other either. Exceptions were there, but that was merely aberrations from the norm more than anything else. Things were a lot simpler as well. We fought when we wanted to, settled our scores, but the issues got dealt with - once and for all. How I miss those days. In college, second year onwards, it has been a tough on this aspect. I will not be elaborating more on this, but I sincerely wish people were simpler, spoke their mind without sugar coating their words.

And now about the fairer sex. I rememeber liking a girl when I was in standard three… how old was I then?Nine or Ten perhaps.. I don’t know what to call it.. but it was kinda sweet. As I grew older, things got complicated like all other things around me. It became more difficult to ‘understand’ them. Soon there were things which we didn’t understand. N then we were enlightened (courtesy a Moral Science Book in standard 7th : those who studied in ICSE boards can probably relate to what I say). N then few people like me lost their senses and screwed up their life while the more intelligent ones continued in their sensible ways.. At college, with the abysmal male: female ratio, and short of options ( A gtalk status message read : Looks are inversely proportional to brains ) people have been ‘forced’ to play the ‘settler’ than the ‘reacher ’ ( Courtesy ‘How I Met Your Mom’ Series), and I guess that says a lot about the whole issue. It’s all about Love, Sex, Money and Dhoka though.. I’m not sure how many of the mushy couples who go around all starry eyed will finally end up together later. I’m not even sure whether they want to actually. Probably they believe in being ‘practical’ and have a nice time in college and outside. Probably it is more about what ‘others’ think..and if nothing else, it is just about the hormones. Strange how I finally have realized that I can never get back the ‘sweet’ liking as a 9 year old.. it’s lost.. it’s way more complicated now.

Just wish things were different.. I wish I could love the things that are taught in class once more.. I wish the results mattered more to me .. The people were less complicated, so that I could trust them just like that… there were no double meaning to words, Proffs were more like extended family, and cared the way a close relative would.. Wish I could like a girl and not care whether she liked me or not.. could be at peace with myself for whatever was happening around.. I know these are never meant to be again, but why should that stop me from hoping..

(I forget the last time I felt brave

I just recall insecurity

Cause it came down like a tidal wave

And sorrow swept over me

-Owl City)

Friends, Good friends, and (ex)-zone mates…

2010-04-10T03:38:00.010-05:00

(This is a personal rambling of sorts. People who are not in my college will not follow the most of it.)

Well a lot has been said about friendship, and even more about zone mates. This is my take at things. It will be a ‘Atri-ish’ post for the first time (:P). Also, I find blogging the most effective way to communicate with people.

I love my friends more. All my friends are not equally dear. There are levels of friendship. If anyone says that everybody is his friend of the same stature, they are hypocrites if not liars. I hate liars.
According to me, just spending time with certain people day in and day out doesn’t make them better friends. Likeminded people sharing common interests, same ideas go on to become good friends. There are so many other things that create the bonds of friendship.
Continuing from pt. 2, ragging never created any special bonds for me. The person who are my good friends in zone or otherwise (yes there were good friends, friends, and so on...) are people whom I knew, liked and admired to some extent for all that they were.
I have always done what I’ve believed to be correct. For me, it would have been a shame if I had not stood up for Tanya. Tanya is a very good friend (No, I don’t have any ‘thing’ for her as many of you thought) and I can live in peace for doing what I did. My support for her was about friendship and doing what I believed was right. Will do that all over again if a time comes.
It was always about friendship for me. Always will be. People I depended on in my zone were my good friends. I’m sure they would have helped me if I wasn’t from Durgapur.. That’s the way they are and that’s why they are (not ‘were’) my good friends. [Be it my accident (when I called Gugga), or for the numerous occasions when Subh, Supu, Souptik, Dada, Sayan, Ayan, Battery was there for me.]
I read it somewhere, 95% wanted me to be excluded from the zone which aspires to be a ‘family’ after this. Good luck to u guys. For the rest 5%, and for all those who called me, thank you. I’m happy that 5% of you understood how things worked for me and that at the end of the day friendship is all that matters.
@Joyee, Gargi: I have no qualms about whatever happened. As I said I would do it again. Think with a clear head. Nothing changes between us after this fiasco. :P @Tanya: Check ur gtalk chat history for all that you mean to me. I stopped chatting off the record for some time now. :P A word of advice, delete the messages from ‘Don’t pic up’ widut reading. It will help. Trust me.
At my wingies:

Basu: I personally feel you shouldn’t have written about the zone thing. I know you felt bad about it but I guess it wasn’t needed. I never gave ragging with you, know you well for just more than over a year, n yet you are my friend. I hope it means so much for you as it does for u. J

Anuj: I stood up for what I believed. Sometimes I think u should do too (even more vehemently). Thanks for being there. You alone know what I think of you and I think saying this much is enough.

@216: Try standing up for your friends. And learn trusting them without judging. J

@Atri: I hate you. :P dare you piss me off. :P lolz.

As for the zonal juniors, I have only best wishes for u guys. I never believed in ragging. I personally hated who ragged me and then at the end of RP said ‘It was all in good spirits’. I never wanted to be that kind of senior. The only people I knew well were the ones who wanted to keep in touch with me. They became friends to some extent. Rishi, Prithviraj, and others you all are very talented. Just keep going. Good luck.

P.S:

· This post is about the people in college excluding most of my other friends. Also I left the final years out of discussion. My classmates, Saswatada, and all others, u people should know that you were always my friends. Some a little more than the others, but that’s the way it is.

· Tamal it’s unfair to write a post about friendship without mentioning you.. so here you are. :P J

A letter to God.

2010-01-12T06:17:00.003-06:00

Dear God,

I thought it was about time I mailed you.You have been acting very strange off late and none of my wishes are being fulfilled. But first things first, my sincere apologies for all the wrongs I have done and I hope you will understand that to err is after all human. I know just saying Sorry doesn't mean much, but I am sorry.

I will get straight to the point. How come you never grant me my wishes fully? Seems I get only half of what I want everytime. I really think it is very inconsiderate of you. Or are my wishes too extravagant? I never thought so. If they are, please let me know. It’s about time I knew what I should wish for, right? There is no point in making futile wishes which you will just laugh off and never grant. So do let me know.

Time and again I come across these characters who gets to meet you, in dreams, or otherwise. Have you seen ‘Bruce Allmighty’? In that Bruce got to meet you. I thought Mr.Freeman did an exceptional job acting as if he was you. Why can’t something similar happen to me as well? I promise I will handle your powers well with elan unlike Bruce.

Even Mr. Chetan Bhagat got to meet you (or so he said) in the train. It seems that the meeting served him well. Your advices sorted a lot of things out. I don’t think it will hurt you to give me a personal hearing as well. I know you get such requests a lot. Probably everyone in the world wishes to meet you, but don’t you think that’s natural? After all with great powers come great responsibilities. Duh! Seems I’m sermonizing even to you. Just got carried away.

Also, I would like to ask you that how come you don’t keep whole of the mankind happy? For that matter you are supposed to take care of not just the mankind but all the living beings right? Don’t you see the poor? The puppies shivering in this cold? We have two beautiful puppies in our hostel. Without your help, they will probably die soon, do take care of them. I know you must be damn busy. I do remember how Bruce got freaked out when he had to step in your shoes in the movie. But that’s your job? We all are supposed to do our jobs well. I know there is no one to fire you, but that hardly matters. You are The One.

Actually I got tired of waiting for the answers. Have you heard that beautiful song ‘Blowing in the wind’ by Bob Dylan? He keeps on saying that all the answers are blowing in the wind. May be they are. But I can’t seem to find them. Help me please. Better still, just tell me. Not in a weird or cryptic way. I’m too dumb to figure out cryptic things. Just say it aloud in my face so that I understand. I assume you already know what my grievances are (you are The God, remember?)

On that note, I really think you do a wonderful job taking care of us (just that we want some more of your attention). I would like to thank you for all that you have given me. You have been really kind but I do hope you bestow your blessings even more leniently in future. Thank you for the wonderful family I have. You have blessed me with excellent friends. Also for all the other things that I take for granted, thank you.

I din’t know how to reach you. Prayed a lot of times (for my own selfish reasons, and others’ too) but it seemed you din’t pay enough attention. Probably you din’t have time (it is one thing that we are all short of these days – Wish you created days of 50 hours instead of just 24). This time I’m mailing you. Don’t know your email id, so will put this on my blog.I hope you come across it sooner rather than later and act on them. Meanwhile, do have a nice time. Enjoy a lot. Take care of the World.

Cheers.

Rudra

P.S:

Please remember about the puppies.
The poor people who die in want of some warmth.

Find Yourself!

2009-12-27T14:22:00.000-06:00

When you find yourself

In some far off place

And it causes you to rethink some things

You start to sense that slowly

You're becoming someone else

And then you find yourself

When you make new friends in a brand new town

And you start to think about settlin' down

The things that would have been lost on you

Are now clear as a bell

And you find yourself

Yeah that's when you find yourself

Where you go through life

So sure of where you’re headin'

And you wind up lost and it's

The best thing that could have happened

‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well

Because you find yourself

Yeah that’s when you find yourself

When you meet the one

That you've been waitin' for

And she's everything that you want and more

You look at her and you finally start to live for some one else

And then you find yourself

That’s when you find yourself

When we go through life

So sure of where we're headin'

And we wind up lost and it's

The best thing that could have happened

‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well

Because you find yourself

Yeah that's when you find yourself

This song performed by Brad Paisely sorted a lot of issues in my head lately. It is there at the end of the animated movie 'Cars' by the Pixar Studios. IMDB shows a rating of just 7.5, but it is truly under rated. The Rocky series with the 'Eye of the tiger' (Survivor) & 'Gonna Fly Now' (Bill Conti) is my self prescribed dose when I find the chips are down. 'Find Yourself' lacks the punch may be, but makes your heart yearn for your Radiator Springs and Sally (refer to the movie if it makes no sense to you).

No ranting, no rambling... just wanted the lyrics to stay somewhere I can see often.. not in .docx file somewhere I would never open up..

Screwed Up: My Story

2009-12-14T08:19:00.027-06:00

ACT 1:

Scene1:

A week into the semester, the holiday hangover is not over yet. After all, the three month long summer break is quite long, and bad habits are indeed easier to acquire. However, Adi is very determined to attend all the lectures this time around. He intends to take studies a lot more seriously than the last time round and give it a proper shot. He carries all five fat notebooks that he bought last week and carries each one of them to the class every day. He nudges the girl sitting beside him in between the lecture and says,with a pride glowing in his face, ‘You know what? I haven’t missed a single class.’ ‘Oh really?’ comes the sarcastic reply from Shreya.

Scene 2:

‘Hey Adi, canteen chale?’ asks Ramaswamy, the only Hyderabadi guy . ‘No, yaar..’Adi tries to avoid but in vain. ‘Abbe, chal na..’ and he drags him to the canteen. ‘Suun,tu next class karega kya? Mera proxy laga dena be in NMC’s class. Okay? ’ ‘Ya, sure’, replies Adi . After the coffee is over, he heads back to class, while Ramaswami is off to hostel. While on his way, Adi shakes his head and says to himself, ‘Fcuk, I should have gone back too with him’.

Scene3:

‘Oye lazy moron get up! It’s already 12!’ screams someone. Still groggy, Adi fumbles for his glasses and blurts ‘What happened? Let me sleep.’ ‘You dint attend a single class in the morning. And don’t give me bullshit saying u dint have one.. I checked with a guy of your department’, says the other guy. ‘Hmm.. ’ comes the groggy reply as Adi dozes off to complete his unfinished business.

Act 2:

Scene 1:
‘See, I really need it. Okay? Please understand. I will give it back in under thirty minutes. Cool?’ pleads Adi. ‘This is the last time, you get it? And it’s not at all cool! Why don’t you make your own notes? We have our semester day after tomorrow and you want it now?’ says a visibly irritated Nilanjana. ‘Also these are my notes, okay? Don’t you dare give it to your other pals. It took me a lotta hard work to make it’. ‘Okay Neel, I promise. Thanks buddy for saving my ass as always’ , and he makes a run for the photocopy shop. ‘Mind it; this is the last time I’m helping you out..‘ Nilanjana’s voice trails off in the distance.

Scene2:
‘Yaar please keep quiet. Let me concentrate. I need to mug this whole thing up‘, screams Adi sitting on his bed with photocopies and books all over his bed and the some Wikipedia page showing on the laptop screen. However the guys start discussing their doubts among themselves again soon. He throws his hands up in disgust. ‘You people are just pathetic. Uncivilized pack of mongrels ’, says with nothing but disgust as he slams the door of their room behind him.

Scene3:
4 in the morning, still wide awake trying to study as best as he can, Adi rattles of the formula that he just learned. ‘Please God; please help me remember this damn formula’. To be doubly sure he writes it down in a scrap of paper in miniscule handwriting. ‘I still have 5 hours to go.. Last two lessons.. I hope I make it.’ He picks up his cell and dials a number. ‘Hey, did you do sum number 5.7? Good.. explain it to me..’ and he takes his pen and paper to write a bunch of weird looking equations full of deltas and integrals..

Scene 4:
‘Please God.. Help me,’ he thinks in his mind as he takes the question paper from the Proffesor. Then he begins to write as the electric bell goes off.

Act 3:

Scene1:

Everyone has left the examination hall except Adi, Ramaswami and Shreya. Adi is tensed - speaking only when he needs to. Shreya’s exam is also screwed, but she is a little cool about it since she knows that she will scrape through somehow. Ramaswamy is also tensed. But he covers it up with the wicked smile that always lights up his face.

Adi is frantically adding up his marks he expects to get. ‘Okay, ten here, six in this. Sixteen. Sir will give another three for this and another two for all that I hope. How much is it?’ ‘ Dunno re..’ ‘Screw you.. ten, six, three and two .. Okay that makes twenty one.’ ‘In Madam’s portion I haven’t done anything.. I mean I have done, but they are all wrong.. So I need at least twenty in the internals to pass. Will they give? I was screwed in my class test also.. and I don’t even have attendance..‘ breaks off Adi. ‘Chill dude.. they will make you pass.. they gives grace’ says Ramaswami, in a attempt to sooth Adi’s nerves. Adi starts counting again.. Shreya and Ramaswami exchange glances.

Scene2:

Its 10 in the night, and Adi is still fiddling with the question paper. He adds it up one more time. The marks he mentally adds up is probably still not good enough to calm him down. Exasparated, he is unsure what to do next. If only he had studied as he had planned to in the start of the semester.

Scene 3:

It’s the day that the results shall be declared. Adi powers his laptop and connects to the web. He types in the web address in the browser, and waits it to connect to the web page.. And finally it connects and the result is in front of him. He sees it for a minute and a drop of tear rolls down his cheeks. Just then 1800 kms away, Ramaswami starts a dialing a number on his cell phone..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A word before you leave:

So what do you think happened? This ain’t my story. This is not someone else’s story either. I guess we know whose story this is. This is the story of an average college going kid who wonders what went wrong. I guess this story is applicable to some student of every college be it in IITs, NITs or some other college. It’s the same story everywhere and not just Adi, Ramaswami or Shreya.

I am in NIT Durgapur, and from firsthand experience I can tell you this is the real thing. I’m no CB, n I dint get the drive to glorify Adi by making him sleep with a Proff’s daughter. Most of us here are pretty much like the every other kid in the street. Yes, we ogle at pretty girls, and laugh among ourselves about the air headed chicks. But how come we ended up so screwed up?

A professor once said to us : ‘You come here as finished products, and pass out as raw materials.’ I guess that’s what it truly is.

p.s : This ain't FPS. Dont think about it while you read.

Chemical Locha or coincidence?

2009-12-12T07:18:00.004-06:00

What is it like to be disowned by your family? How does it feel when you get dumped? How does it feel when you find out that the friend you always thought to be your closest is bitching behind your back? Does it feel that you have just been run over by a train? Do you feel breathless and gasp for air? Or do you feel like raising your middle finger and say ‘I care a fcuk’? Or do you accept it all with the calmness of the ancient saints? Isn’t it strange how deep a scar people close to you can leave on you? Have you ever wondered why people still fall in love, stay with a violent and abusing spouse, and put their trust on friends? With all the neurons that we have inside in our head, human beings still do incredibly stupid things (falling for the girl/guy that every friend thought was a bad idea; trusting people for all the long reasons; taking life as seriously as they can only to realize their mistake when it’s too late and the list goes on..) and yet supposedly we are the intelligent of all the living species on Earth. Quiet a paradox, eh?

How long does it take to develop hate when you find out your girlfriend was having an affair with your best friend? How long do you take to promise yourself that you would work extra hard the ‘next time‘every time you perform below your expectations? (It’s a different story that only few have the determination to fulfill it). How many tries does it really take for a chain smoker to quit smoking? So why do we fake it? (Yeah like most women, men fake it more often than what is generally acknowledged – you get the idea, right? :P). Why do we make hollow promises not only to others but to ourselves?

So what is it that makes us do all of it? How come our brain is so developed and yet we behave so weirdly as a social animal? Some ‘chemical locha’ perhaps! I am yet figure out a truly convincing answer. The only thing that I can think of is that probably the human brain is designed like this. It is supposed to make choices that cannot be explained by logic. May be that is why all Geniuses are perceived to be lunatic. May be, just maybe, it is in chaos where the perfect symmetry lies which we can’t see? Or are all this is a mere coincidence just like the Big Bang that created us?

Efficiency

2009-09-21T09:13:00.002-05:00

Ever thought about the ideal things that we learned in our high school days? The ideal gas, the ideal machines and such stuffs? Though we always knew such things can never exist we still went on solving problems thinking that they were ideal, didn’t we? Later, we came across the term ‘Efficiency’. A term which described how close a machine was to the ideal thing (if it existed, that is). Now those who are still pursuing career in science probably all those ideal things was bullshit and nothing even close to being ideal exists in reality. No surprises, considering we can’t really consider an elephant to be a sphere (and assume that all its weight is concentrated in some point in its tummy) for the sake of it!

Okay, so what is efficiency actually then? I mean not from the perspective of science. We all knew how it was defined in 12^th grade, but what does it actually mean? The way I look at it is the best you can get out of your life while having the maximum fun and yet putting the least effort. That’s a very difficult task mind you.

But people have different priorities in life. For some life is meant as a race; a race in which they have to come first or they lose. For some it is more of ambling across the finishing line giving a shit about the others. I belong probably to none of the above stated groups. I am aloof, probably purposely oblivious to the race which I am running. The race in which I intend to do well without missing all the things that comes during the course of the race. I intend to enjoy all the things that life has to offer. The childhood without scampering for tuitions, the sweet pang of first crush (brazenly I admit that I had it when I was a mere 9 year old :P), the butterflies in stomach before ‘approaching’ someone, the joy of spending time with good friends outside school ( I am truly blessed with the kinds of friends I have which I keep saying time and again), and spending time with parents and family; the first high after boozing late into the night: I have had it all. So coming back to the question of efficiency, am I efficient? I have had all the fun I hoped for (still having it), managed 3 years of Chemical Engineering courses (which I sometimes feel is totally worthless) and is looking forward to what the future has to offer : What more could I have asked for?

Some people who have different priorities in life (as they put it), and would have bargained the fun n frolic for a little better grades; a better job and a hectic life which they shall be spending rest of their petty lives in order to achieve that ‘a little more’. But is all that worth it? What is the point of making money if you don’t have the time to enjoy the things that money can buy? If you had everything in the world except time which you have traded to do that ‘little better’? Isn’t your efficiency Zero? Aren’t you putting in so much effort for nothing? So do you really think you are efficient? Time to think again.

A word to ALL

2009-07-15T02:53:00.008-05:00

I was always irritated to see the advertisements in the websites. It is funny that now my own blog also has such advertisements. I am here not to make money. I just want to know how this thing- Google Adsense works, and how much money people make by it. I guess unless someone is already famous, he/she cannot make much money as a blogger. Exceptions are always there though like the famous Fake-IPL-Player who became famous overnight :P But exceptions only prove the law, eh?

I shall experiment with this adsense stuff for a few months to see how it generates revenue for a below par blogger like me. Meanwhile I hope the visitors don’t get irritated (like I used to) and bear with my whims and fancies.

I also appreciate people like Twisha, Rishi ,Sharaya, Teko (Suvro), Piudi who keeps letting me know about my poems. To the ones who keep dropping in their comments via g-talk (though I would have preferred if all you guys made it a point to use the comments section) : thanks for the insights and encouragement. J

This rhyming stuff is damn difficult. It takes a hell a lot of a time and concentration. I found the blank verses much easier. All the poems took about 1.5-2 hours. ‘The Elusive Dream’ probably a little more (but it’s much longer than the rest). I found I express myself well in the blank verses, and I had to sometimes compromise with my feelings while trying to maintain a rhyming pattern.

One of my friend said that I probably copy from some other source or else writing poems in such short time is very difficult. But he himself has never written a poem. I would like to know from the people who writes poems about how much time they take and whether I should spend a little more time with the poems so that they are more polished or anything of that sort. As of now, after I finish with a poem, I do not go back and post it after a making a little or no correction/changes here and there. Do let me know guys.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Cheers,

Knottyknight

P.S: I am indeed naughty. (truly-madly-deeply :P)

A Wet Kiss

2009-07-14T14:13:00.004-05:00

One wet evening

In a desert land

I was waiting

In the bus-stand.

She came unhurriedly

Timid and scared,

We met secretly

And we just stared.

Holding hands we stood

As if for eternity

Tried the best we could

To maintain sanity.

But that was not to be

And she ate the ‘apple’

All I could then see

Was the beautiful angel

There we fiercely kissed

The very first one of my life

And she didn’t resist

Let alone strife

And then the rain came

Drenching us yet again

Reigniting the flame

It’s all His doing, Amen.

The Highway To Heaven

2009-07-13T14:04:00.008-05:00

Driving down the highway

Carefree, careless

I see the trees at either side

Fly away with grace.

Overtaking another car,

I scream with joy

Destination not too far

No reason to act coy.

Just then out of nowhere

A cruiser hits head-on,

Up comes the flare

And I am gone.

Destination still a little far

Still on the highway,

I lie with just a scar

Happy, contented and gay.

P.S : I tried not to be prosaic this time, though I still preffer blank verse.

The Elusive Dream

2009-07-09T16:26:00.013-05:00

So many things clog my mind

But so little I can say

Is it only me?

Or do you feel the same way?

Sometimes I try,

Try my best to stop thinking;

But the thoughts..

They never leave me alone

And keep egging me on

To plan grand things.

I look back where I started,

‘Could have done better perhaps’

Someone speaks in my mind.

‘Is this not good enough?’

Someone counters in a small voice

Afraid perhaps to sound contented

‘Certainly not!’ the other snaps back.

‘Run’, it urges ‘Run as fast you can

As long as you can

Till your lungs don’t rebel,

Heart doesn’t scream.

Run and chase your elusive dream.’

So I run on and on

The finishing line remaining ever so far..

A little more, and then no farther

I keep saying to myself

But the voice in the mind

Drives me on.

This is a disease

A disease in my mind

A disease that is as lethal

As that of the blood.

But is there a cure?

Oh yeah! There is one.

But it is ‘The road not taken’

As once Mr. Frost told us all

The Vagabond took the road,

And so he was happy

But do such Vagabonds exist today?

I don’t wish to be a vagabond,

I wish to run,

I wish to stand up every time I fall.

The lungs would rebel,

The heart would scream,

But I want to go on and live my dream.

So what if it’s elusive?

I know I will make it big

It’s only the will

That’s all I need.

P.S: Posted at almost 3am, this one is finally a night time post. Also this is my first ever poem. I Just felt like trying to see whether I can actually write one or not after seeing Sharaya’s (who made a comment in my previous post) blog (http://mypayingself.blogspot.com/) consisting of beautiful poems. Poets have always seemed to be of a different class to me. I don’t know what I wrote probably going with the flow. I am not sure whether it is awesome or awful but do feast in the comments section because as I already have mentioned before, nothing works like criticism.

Adiós.

Why am I rambling?

2009-07-07T22:58:00.007-05:00

Am I too talkative? I don’t think so. Then why ramble? After all to ramble is to talk endlessly in a desultory fashion eh? Well there are quite a few reasons behind this.

Supposedly these ramblings are going to hold me in good stead in the upcoming years as I step into the corporate world (taking it for granted that I will make it there sooner rather than later) where the SMS lingo will do me no good and I need to write proper grammatical English language. I hope this will negate the effect of sending approximately 500 text messages to friends every week. In fact, this blog is an attempt to type consistently formal English without typos. Obviously the Microsoft word is a big help with all its features which constantly keeps pointing the errors I make as I type! :D

I am also hoping that I will get into the habit of writing on various topics once more. The last time I wrote a proper essay/short story was way back in the year 2004 when I wrote my English-1 paper during ICSE. That’s a tad too long. Isn’t it?

Lastly, in the past couple of months I have developed a deep disliking about the way I spend time with my laptop. The amount of time I waste is just incredible and probably there are a huge number of fellows who do the same without realising it. The internet is a huge source of information, but it seems I hardly spend 5% of my time doing things that would help me in future. So blogging is just another way for me to keep me off from the socialising sites. I had had enough of socialising I guess, though I will still keep visiting them but with much lesser vigour and zest.

I have decided to keep my posts simple. I attended a lecture a few days back, and to quote the teacher, ‘There’s nothing as unimpressive as to use long many syllable words’. I have decided to follow his advice and use the simplest English I can, to write short simple sentences (this one’s getting pretty long already :P), and to present my thoughts lucidly. Humour is not my cup of tea, but I shall be trying that too from time to time.

I hope I come good at my decisions and write regularly juggling my busy schedule and don’t disappoint myself. Nothing works like criticism whether positive or negative. If any of you reading this has anything to say, please help yourself in the comments section. I know most people are lazy, but I guess some are different too. That’s it for now, have a long day ahead waiting for me.

Till the next time, Adiós.

The Swiss Houdini

2009-07-06T07:33:00.005-05:00

It was in the year 2006 when I first started following Tennis seriously while at Kota, Rajasthan. One Monday, I picked up a Sportstar from the newspaper stands bearing the picture of a handsome looking tennis player wielding his racket. I had few things to do that particular evening and I got that edition of the magazine along with the newspaper. The cover story was quite an interesting one and I immediately developed a liking for the ‘Flawless Federer’ as the author hailed him. Previously I had heard about Pete Samprass and Andre Agassi, but never liked them to the extent which would compel me to follow the game of tennis. Reading about Roger Federer however urged me to know more about the world of tennis.

The first chance I got to watch the master at work was next year during the French Open. It was the final, and Federer lost to Rafael Nadal. I distinctly remember the bitter feeling it left just because Nadal had beaten Federer. Since then I have been an ardent supporter of the Swiss and hated Nadal every time he denied him the French Open.

A lot has been said about the greatness of Federer. He has now own a record 15 Grand Slams in the Open era, been at the top of the ATP Rankings for a record 237 weeks and probably many more. Oh! But he is peculiar from his contemporary players. He does not scream every time he serves, does not break a racquet every time he loses a point and most importantly enjoys the game of tennis in a calm n tranquil manner possible only for a player of his calibre. Interestingly, while watching theWimbledon final today, I came to know the quote written at the top of the entrance which leads to the Centre court. It is a few lines from the poem ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling:

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same..

Probably this is where his greatness lies. Win or lose Federer’s modesty shows through. His magnanimity in defeat makes it impossible for anyone to cheer against him. Records are meant to be broken and someone will probably surpass Federer in years to come, but the grace and elegance with which he weaves his magic will always be fondly remembered.